Saturday crashed into me, more like a bus than a wave. Bhupendra was standing by the door of our room asking if anyone was going to play for the Czech’s in their quarter final. I remembered that I’d committed to play and was like “give me 5 minutes”.  TomTom replied that the coach was leaving now. “5 minutes”. I got my way. I did wonder precisely I’d let myself in for. I packed dressed and brushed my teeth and left. We were offski shortly after. I looked at Calen, Neil and Jay – the other volunteers and they were feeling the same. Jay and Calen were in the club with us the night before and Neil was drinking with the Czechs. We were playing Karpaty too, the local side that made it to the final last year. They were good. The rest of the Czechs were looking seriously worse for wear after the Wisla battle and a night on the Nemiroff. To battle we went.

My spirits were immediately lifted when the strains of Pink Floyd’s ‘Money’ rang out through the coach. They had a Floyd live album playing and it was the perfect Tonic. The driver’s laughable attempts to enter the car park at the pitch humoured me further, so by the time we got to the Changing Rooms I was feeling resilient. I was handed the Czech number 9 shirt – “Jan Koller”. Fair enough. I hoped to bring a little bit more mobility to the role though.

The pitch was a full size 3G astro and much, much more my type of pitch than the boggy semi-pro ground we played the day previously. Calen and Jay were also buzzing about their first ‘international call-up’ whilst Neil adopted a more humoured approach. We met our guide Andriy who was lining up for Karpaty that day; he was looking forward to the game. He assured me that he wasn’t starting. Neither was I. Calen (aka Milan Baros) was the only one of our lot that started the game, but soon enough we all entered the fray. I was on the pitch in less than 5 minutes, playing a pretty undefined position as the Czech side lost all shape against an extremely talented and mobile Karpaty side.

For one or two attacks, the game looked quite balanced and attacking but our resolve became quickly worn down. The right winger for Karpaty, Nazarchik was pulling the strings whilst I did my best to hang onto the coattails of the 6”4 central midfielder, Jordan. They scored and continued to do so, repeatedly breaching the defence. The game was over before half time. I think it was something like 8-1 at half time, but the onslaught continued in the second half. I went out to the right side (both fullback and wing simultaneously) and ran and ran and ran to very little avail. Karpaty showed a weakness and this was pounced upon by honourary Czech, Calen. He pounced on a few pieces of lazy defending and bagged himself a brace. Top work. I was moved back to CB and for this period, we actually were drawing (completely ignoring the 11 previous goals). A very keenly anticipated final whistle from all in white came at 13-3.) I think had LFC found a way out of the group, we’d have still been slaughtered by a very good side.

 Apparently, whilst we were playing, back in Pustomyty, Wisla played polish rivals Ostravia (masquerading as the Polish national side(/front?!) and it got pwopa nawtee. Then they met up in a park for a ruck afterwards and Wisla then went out to a club and had a scrap with the bouncers, culminating in their whole team being locked up. Some success. On a similar note, their lot went to Lithuania this week for a Europa League qualifier with knives and ran riot, next they face a potentially powder-keg fixture away in Azerbaijan. I think we can be quite happy that nothing of note happened in our fixture!

We were told that Oksana and Olja had met the rest of the team in town but after 70 mins in 30 degrees (with no chance to shower before the game) there was no chance I was heading for town in my current state. The other lads agreed, so it was off back to Ozerny Kray with the Czech’s. We had to rush to get back into town in time for the Karpaty match; however this was not on the Czech agenda at all. What was on the agenda, however, was a trip to the supermarket – AKA the cheapest shop evarrr!

We all headed for the rotisserie and treated ourselves to chicken; I also acquired a litre of Honey and Pepper Nemiroff Vodka, some crisps and a salad. It all came to less than £7.50. We ate on the bus, much to the disapproval of our driver and given the queue for chicken, the stop off took at least 45 mins, probably an hour. We got back to the hostel, showered etc and got ready for town. By the time we were in town and in the bar, the match had already kicked off.

Alongside the Liverpool lads, Oksana, Olja, Christina, Michael, Anastasia, Nazar and Andy sat in this long narrow room. In the neighbouring room there was some kind of performance going on and there was a little window between the two rooms. You could see the performance through it, and with smoke slowly rising from one of the tables to the right of the window, it was like a window to the 30’s. Very surreal.

Karpaty conceded a late scrambled goal to Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk and came very close to equalising in injury time. They’d have been happy with the point considering that they were away from home to a good side. Pretty impressed with the quality of the Ukrainian league and they’ve got a fair chance of making the Europa League group stage, provided they avoid a high seed in a future qualifying round – They currently look to be cruising past KR Reykjavik after a 3-0 away win.

After the match we bailed from the bar in search of some late afternoon sun. This meant walking to the park for the World Cup fan-festival to the north of the city centre. It was quite some trek in the heat, but it gave a group of us to run through Hip-Hop from 1985 right through to the present day. West, west y’all! We got to the park and found that there was a massive hill to scale to get to the fan park. Adam and Bhupendra had a class idea – let’s sprint up it. Even more intelligently, I followed. At this point I did start to wonder if there was some kind of altitude differential between Karpaty and the 3m above that I was used to. There was a good 1000ft. That would explain it!

With lungs stretched to capacity, I entered the fan park and helped Olja and Oksana gather tables together. Then for some scran. I went for the bratwurst and chips which was top notch. Washed down with some Chernivske. Viva Northern Europe.

There was a very festival like atmosphere at the fan-park and whilst I started the event feeling drained, a few beverages and a bit of football and a chance to speak to everyone made for a great evening. Sun-set and mozzies started bothering a few lads, so they headed back. I stayed on because I was very content.  Very content indeed. There was a 5-aside footy tournament going on and a few of our lads got involved and bossed it, a stark contrast to our actual assault on the completion. Apparently they won 6-0 and got loads of swag as a result. I was a bit jealous of the Glasses they got, but not at that point so fussed about the Vuvuzelas. It didn’t help with one fella blowing a Vuvuzela right behind Oksana and I. He was noisy, he wasn’t very good. During the course of conversation came the startling revelation that Ukrainian schools had some very similar crazes to ours – they had Tamagotchi’s and Yoyo’s but never had Pogs. 2 out of 3 isn’t bad.

Eventually we headed back to Ozerny Krey – in a rather posh Skoda. It was the Ukrainian equivalent of that one ‘delta’ driver that has an Audi and by ‘eck, did he take care of his motor. Subsequently the journey took a bit longer than the usual breakneck run home. It was cool though. When we arrived at the hotel, the rest of the side were at the bar with the Czechs and a singsong was well underway. Unable to resist, I made myself at home and screamed myself hoarse to the strains of “Oh his daddy was a soldier…”.  Later on Ste and I had another rap session to much hilarity and then it was Bedfordshire. As Ice Cube himself might say, it was a good day.

After our arduous day of football, it was time to head in to Lviv for the evening. We were dropped by the Opera House and walked through the town, once the daily cash machine/bureau de change ritual had been completed. Eventually we found our way to a rather nice outdoor restaurant by a sandstone wall. We had a massive table in the middle reserved for us and we gathered around it. The menu ‘no speako americano’ so as a result Olja and Oksana had to walk us through the myriad options individually.

Later on, they confessed that their task was made much easier by the fact that we all wanted meat and chips. I went for the steak, obvz. I did order a side-salad, not ignoring my duty to eat 5 a day and a litre of ale. £2. It was a nice setting, as we were all redmen, we were in esteemed company. Towards our end of the table ( I was in the Main Stand, Block ME-ish) discussion centred around the genius of Fowler in the 90’s and other red topics. We drank, talked and waited. After about 45 mins, we realised that food still hadn’t shown. So we ordered more ale. It was all sound. Then the salads arrived. Yum. Where was the Main? Anyone’s guess!

When the meal was finally served, we’d have eaten a mouldy/scabby ‘orse but fortunately the food was easily worth the wait. My Steak was sensational and the Garlic chips were also boss. Pure Zidane. Maybe they went to market and sorted the best cow they could for us – after we’d ordered. Nobody was complaining once we’d left. We traversed the city looking for a place that could accommodate our sizeable crowd – now up to world cup squad proportions following the arrival of Nazar, Andy and girlfriend Christina and our Kiev based fan club – Michael and Anastasia. Eventually we found a cocktail bar at the north end of town with a room large enough to accommodate us, so we dived in. It was a pretty ‘G’ setting, a big, octagonal table that could have been featured in “Bad Boys 2”. We squeezed round it and ordered Ale and Vod. Lovely!

During this hour, if anyone present had not realised that Dec bore a passing resemblance to Alan Carr, they were made more than aware. “Hi, it’s me Alan” was arguably the quote of the day/trip/year. Momo walked in on two other patrons of the bar getting frisky in the Toilet and surprisingly didn’t have his camera to hand. Poor show tbh. On the other side of the table, Simon was picking up Wi-Fi on his iPhone 4, but I couldn’t get any on my Blackberry. Which is kind of why this report is being posted late, days after the event. I think it was for the best though; it allowed us all time to actually do, rather than intensely blogging during prime drinking time like some kind of warped internet superhero, or something.

By the time we left the place, it was quite late and then it was time to go to a nightclub. We had the choice between Fenomen or Millenuium. The former was the setting for last year’s end of tournament party and the latter was the setting for this year’s place. We went for Fenomen, an all round swanky affair. It looked like an avant-garde set from a Lady Gaga video, or at least I thought so. About half of the side stayed out, whilst the other half went back to the hotel (to get plastered with the Czech’s of course). Out of courtesy we paid the entry for our guides, despite their protests. We had to do it, just out of courtesy. Nazar was adamant he’d pay his own way, so we told him to sort us with a bottle of vodka in the club instead. So he did. We were just getting started!

To summarise – we drank, danced, had a lot of fun, drank more – repeat ad infinitum. There were a couple of girls trying to join in with us. Did one of them try it on with Calen? I can’t remember. Forgive me!

Wisla Krakow 2 – 0  Liverpool FC

In our second game together, we were a much stronger proposition. We faced a Wisla Krakow side -better than the Czech’s and for the most part, we gave them a very good game. We needed to win by a 2 goal margin to progress, at the expense of the Czech’s but we went down by two goals instead. It sounds like an abject failure, doesn’t it? The result doesn’t necessarily represent the reality of the game.

We reached half time at 0-0 after a cautious but organised start. Our Ukrainian fan, Michael lined up at centre-back and fared extremely well. We created a couple of chances and Dec hit the post from a long range curling effort. It would have been just the break we needed, but instead the ball bounced to safety. We needed goals and in the second half we through more caution to the wind in search of the break. Liverpool looked the biggest threat in the game until disaster struck twice in the space of a minute. Phil and Ronnie had to retire due to injury and in the following turmoil we were eliminated from the tournament.

Bhupendra had played fantastically well throughout the day in goal but fell victim to a howler that torpedoed the hull of H.M.S. Liverpool. There was a bit of a mix-up and the ball just went through him into the net. We were dead and buried, everyone knew it. A couple of minutes later, Wisla’s cake was iced and the celebratory candles lit. They just walked through our team and doubled their advantage. Game over. We finished the match with players on the field that had no intention of playing before the tournament – our drinking mascot Sniper putting in a shift at right back and going for some rather mazy dribbles in the process, whilst the most popular cameraman in western Ukraine, Momo did a stint at right wing which excited the locals. The highlight was Momo sticking into a 50/50 with a massive, skinhead, potentially racist Wisla grock. If he’d have snapped our Momo, the whole crowd would have lynched him for sure!

The match ended soon after that and to our huge disappointment, we were out. We’d hardly even had a chance to gel as a side. We wouldn’t have necessarily had a prayer in the next round if we’d have played Karpaty but nonetheless…

As we were commiserating after the game, the Czech’s approached a few of our players and offered us the chance to play in the Quarters. They were seriously worse for wear after the brutal Wisla encounter and needed bodies. Still, I was pretty happy that they’d invited me to play given how poorly I thought I’d performed.  So there you have it, the beginning and ending of our European campaign in the space of several hours. It was Everton-esque.

*** DISCLAIMER ***
This does not mean that I stayed in and had an early night. Who do you think I am?!

On the 4th floor of a rustic bar in central Lviv, I was united with the rest of my side.

I was greeted by a “wahey” and wandered round saying my hellos for several minutes around the dogleg table before I got to business and got a pint in. Next thing a Vodka was thrust into my palm. I’d arrived.

Finally united with this lovely bunch.

There were loads of familiar faces for me, at some point; I’d played footy with at least half of the team going back 3 or 4 years. It was a worry though because we’d not played, trained or anything together. Not that those worries were anything close to the front of my mind as I sat back in my chair and greeted everyone. Now, my trip (Part I) may have seemed to the readership like a bevy fest, but it was spread out over a good day or so of travel, the rest had been ordering rounds and rounds of vodka over the course of the night and a few were looking worse for wear. I’m not going to name any names like.

We had our guides, Oksana, Olja and Nazar present and the two of the Swedish delegation, Olga and Marta. I must have been there for an hour before we headed off for the hotel – it felt like 10 minutes though. Before getting a taxi, we stopped off at a Ukrainian liquor store as they didn’t have a Bargain Booze. I guess that is because all ale in the Ukraine is at bargain prices :) 20 cans and 2 litres of Vodka for £15. Nice.

The ‘box of toys’ watch on as I go into the offy!

At this point, I must mention that there is plenty more on offer in Lviv other than ale, it’s a cultural mecca for much of Eastern Europe, it’s just that by the time I’d arrived, the only things left open were the bars. Convenient eh?

We headed to the Ozerny Kray hotel which was a considerable distance from the city of Lviv, some 15 miles from the outskirts. It’s a resort style place. A scaled down version of the South African World Cup team hotels in Sun City, or at least that’s what it felt like. Travelling there with copious amounts of Alcohol it was clear that we were going to have an early night. Abundantly clear.

‘Infamous’ Czech player David Kova appears in our room in something that can only be described as a ‘Tankini’. Later on, his attire gets ‘merked’ in a series of raps. Hahaha.

We returned to find the Czech side awake; thankfully, I think they were getting acquainted with their favourite Vodka, Nemiroff. I have no idea how much of the stuff they put away but I’m going to say it was roughly 0.5ltr per player, per night. It’s not inconceivable that as a team, they drank 50ltrs of the stuff on the trip. That’s enough to rinse your local Tesco’s, let alone the offy! We were not going to sleep easily ourselves. Czech’s alcoholic in residence, David Kova, joined us in one of the rooms and we had a bit of an impromptu rap session. Myself and Ste were guilty of dropping some seriously sick verses…

The trip to Ukraine started in earnest for me at 6am on the morning of the 8th. I flew from Gatwick at half 11 and had to make the trip from Bracknell, I also wanted to arrive and be checked in, in good time. The route was a train journey to Clapham Junction to Bracknell and then South to the Airport station from there. By the time I’d arrived at the check-in desk it was 9.30. Good time. Mission accomplished. At some point during this journey I’d received a text from Phil, saying that the rest of the side had made it through the border. They didn’t mention the 3 hour nightmare getting through but nonetheless…

London’s Clapham Junction Station









































A Virgin Atlantic 747 at Gatwick Airport.

After perusing a few of Gatwick’s finest retail outlets, it was off to the Weathies for an appropriate beverage. 10am. Didn’t feel like an ale so it was time for a Kopparberg. Pear with ice – Top notch A.M. bevy.  Two bottles down and it was off to the gate. I still jumped the gun a wee bit as the gate was empty when I arrived. Costa. You’re finest tea please. Aquired an Independent, Job’s a guddun. The plane ride to Kiev was decent enough. First time in 3 year’s I’d managed to avoid Ryanair or Easyjet so the complimentary scran and ale was gratefully received.  By the time I’d arrived in Kiev it was a hazy but warm afternoon. I had to transfer between Terminal A and the miniscule domestic terminal, B.  Check-in didn’t commence for another hour, what to do, what to do? Bar.


A bar at Kiev Borisof Airport.

I must admit, I thought I was being had off when the Barmaid told me that there was no Lvivske available and the only beer they had available was a £2.50 pint of Carlsberg. Talk about devastation. First pint in an Eastern European city and it’s the same cheap piss that you’d refuse to buy in the Tesco’s back home. Shocking. There was an upside though, as I guzzled on my beverage a classic Zil pulled up right outside the bar. Wouldn’t see one of those anywhere else. Viva Kiev.

A classic Zil.

After 2 pints, I ditched the bar and went to check in. Checked in and it was still ages to the flight, so I went on a browse. Eventually found a stall selling at 7 hryvnia - £0.70 a pint. Result. That whiled away yet more time, before it was time to head to Lviv. The hour long flight passed by in a flash and before long, I was on the runway staring at the rather fantastic Lviv airport. It’s tiny like, with two gates as far as I could see, but it wouldn’t look out of place as a stately home or a town hall. The baggage came to us on a cart and through a trapdoor. Pretty novel.

Arrivals at Lviv airport.

As I left the airport, I found two pretty and friendly faces waiting for me Olja, one of our guides from last year and Olga, who I believe was involved with the Dutch team last time, or maybe Atletico Madrid. Anyway, she was with me, which reflected rather well on myself, I must say.

Friday 9th July
Venue : Stadium FC, Pustomyty (just outside Lviv)

We play our first group matches today and tomorrow :

Playing Schedule :

10:30 
Finland Supporters v Wisla Krakow

11:40 Liverpool v Bohemians

13:00 Bohemians v Finland Supporters

14:10 Wisla Krakow v Liverpool

Sat 10th

10:30 Finland Supporters v Liverpool

12:00 Wisla Krakow v Bohemians

The ground has a semi-professional team look about it.
The rural setting was enhanced, by the feint aroma of cow dung, which I am sure was in and around one of the goal areas.

It was a beautiful, sunny day – 20 degrees C or so.
We had our supporters in the stands, and I am very pleased to say, that there was no sign of any neo-Nazis, as there was during the final last year.
Hopefully, they will stay away, or just disappear of the face of the earth.

We were set to play 3 matches, as you can see – versus Bohemians, Wisla Krakow and Finland Supporters.

However, the Finnish team could not make it, as four of their players missed their connection or something like that.
It meant that the three remaining teams, all started on 3 points each.
Also, the games from Saturday were brought forward to Friday.

Liverpool v Bohemians [0-1]

Last year, we beat this lot 4-1, after we had to endure 12 hours of trying to cross the Polish-Ukraine border, having had very little food, drink and sleep, and then we had to play this match, as it had already been put back.

Our plan for this year, was to play a Total Ticki Tacka-Stylee Football.
What we did come up with, was Wimbledon FC – circa 1980s.
But without the coherence.
Or goals.

This year, the Bohemians had improved. And we hadn’t.

First things first though.
We had brought an HJC banner with us, and after we held this before us, as we sang YNWA.
As I have mentioned previously, the organisers have tried to steer clear of overtly political tie-ins with the competition, because of the trouble with the Neo-Nazis who showed up during last year’s tournament.

Yes, this was a political statement, but it was a personal one for us lot, and the organisers allowed us to hold the banner before we sang YNWA, and to tie it to the railings on the sidelines.

We did video our matches, and the intention is to post these on here.
However, we have not got a compatible link from the laptop to the camcorder, but we’ll try and get one in Lviv.
If not, then Neil will sort it out, and the vids will be posted after we come back.
Apologies for this.

The game itself was scrappy, and our passing and movement was as effective as England’s during the World Cup.

The Bohemians had the better chances, as the hit the bar twice, and missed some clear chances.
We also had chances, but were not able to convert them.
Their goal came from a goal mouth scramble, and an opportunity presented itself for a tap in.

Try as we might, we could not recover the deficit.
Although we had probably drunk as much s this team on the coach to Lviv, and on the previous night before the match, collectively, we were not good enough.


Wisla Krakow v Bohemians [2-3]

This game was scheduled for Saturday.
But because he Finnish team could not make it, then it was moved forward.

This was the best game from the group – a red card, goals (including a penalty), a disallowed goal, and a potential punch- up.
You’ll never get all that in one Premiership game, so all this in one, meant that no-one could complain about not getting good value for money.

Wisla should have come last year, and we would have travelled with them from Krakow to Lviv, but they could not be bothered to come.
We had also played a 6-a-side friendly with some of the lads last year in Krakow (that finished at about 12-10 to Wisla – or a similar scoreline).

Their name comes from the fact that the Wisla river flows though Krakow.

Most, if not all the players, had skinheads.
One even looks like Mr Skrtel.

Can you imagine how that coach looked to those looking at it?
If the words “BNP Fact-Finding Tour” was written on the side, it wouldn’t have looked out-of-place.
Seriously though, they are nice people – they just look a bit like the neo-Nazis who gatecrasher last year’s final day.

Wisla put the Bohemians on the back foot early on.
In the first half, they launched an attack, culminating in a ball from the left.
A Wisla player slotted the cross home.
However, he was deemed to be in an offside position.

It was a tight call, because it looked perfectly good from where I was sitting.
In the end, though, the pressure and possession told, and Wisla took a deserved lead.

Bohemians equalised, and then, they had a penalty awarded to them.
I don’t know who their regular penalty taker is, but there was only one thing to do.
All the Liverpool players chanted “David Kova! David Kova! David Kova! David Kova! David Kova!”

The Bohemians caved in to people power, and the Living Legend stepped up, and calmly slotted the ball home to his right (‘keeper’s left).

Now, David Kova has a belly, which extends beyond his nose, but he performed a Asprilla-esque somersault, with a perfect landing.

How could this be?
How can the basic laws of physics be defied in such a blatant manner?
Perhaps his belly isn’t the result of years of indulging in good beer and food, but it is in fact, solid muscle, masquerading as pork fat.
The only comparison that I can think of is of Fatty Arbuckle.
The 1920s silent film star looked barrel-shaped, but he was supple as a circus gymnast.

However, David Kova is a legend in his lifetime.
It is a pity that his liver doesn’t feel that the respect is mutual.

Then it all kicked off.
There was a 50-50 ball near the Bohemians penalty area.
Both players were committed to the challenge, and the ref would have taken no action against either players.

What followed, was a Zizou moment for one of the Polish attackers.
Both players were on their backsides, when one of the Wisla players launched himself forward, like Terry, the Cockney Gigolo did, when he tried to block a low shot with his head, during one of England’s games (I forget which one – can you blame me though?)

The straight red, seemed to galvanise Wisla, and they managed to equalise, before the Bohemians made it 2-3, and claimed victory.

This result meant, that if we beat Wisla by 2 clear goals, the Bohemians (as group winners) and ourselves (in second place on goal difference from Wisla) would go through.

Wisla Krakow v Liverpool [2-0]

Not playing together before, and our complacency were telling factors.
As was the fact that although we did play better in this game, we were simply not as good as Wisla.

A special mention here, has to go to Michael Kaluznhny.
He now lives in Kyiv, but is a huge Reds fan.
In fact, the start of his e-mail address says it all – “red-for-a-reason”.

We had even acquired a mascot – Irina, who got a scarf – perfect for those balmy Lviv days, like this one (20 degrees or so).
We had some injuries, and some players were just tired (staying up till 3am is not ideal preparation for a footie match to be played on the following day).

Michael had travelled to watch us with his girlfriend.
He was also wearing a red shirt, with the Kyiv branch’s version of the Liver Bird on his chest.
We asked if he fancied a game, and after finding some boots for him, we added his name to the team sheet.

This is the beauty of the Eurofans.
Although the conventional laws of football are followed, some are altered to suit.
For instance, there are unlimited amounts of rolling subs during a match.
And, players who were not listed in the original squad for a particular team, could be added on just before a game.

Michael played as a centre back, and very decent he looked too.

The first half ended goalless.
Then I had a Rob Green moment.
There was a low shot from the left of the box.
I divided to my right, but misjudged, and he ball squirmed underneath me.

I had a good view of the ball slowly, but surely, trickling over the line – 1-0.

Their second was a carbon copy of the goal which Maestro (a team of z-list celebrities from Ukraine) scored against us last year.
Wisla attacked down the left, and their winger played the ball though.
I tried to close him down, but a deft clip, brought goal number 2.

For Michael’s pains, we gave him a shirt, which had been signed by Torres, Gerrard, Benayoun, Reina and Masch.
Not bad for a few minutes’ work.

The Wisla team gave us a present, which we were not in a position to reciprocate at the time – a book about the 100 year history of Wisla Krakow and its sports teams, and a pennant.

We will give this to the HJC Shop as a present.
Eventually, we have decided on a present.

Stu got a load of t-shirts printed especially for our trip :


All the players, and our guides (an invaluable part of our team), have signed the t-shirt.
We will give this to the Wisla team in due course.

These are the results fro m the other group games :

Group “A”
Ukraine Supporters v PSG 3-2
Ukraine Supporters v Sweden Supporters 7-1 
Sweden Supporters v PSG 1-7

1st place - Ukraine, 2nd place - PSG

Group “B”
Wisla v Liverpool 2-0
Liverpool v Czech Rep. Supporters 0-1
Czech Rep. Supporters v Wisla 2-3

1st place - Wisla, 2nd place - Czech Rep.supporters

Group “C”
Karpaty v Belgium Supporters 2-1
Karpaty v Poland Supporters 5-3
Poland Supporters v Belgium Supporters 2-6

1st place - Karpaty, 2nd place - Poland Supporters*
* Belgium fans gave their 2nd place to the Polish team because in their squad there were local fans and
according to Belgians “The Polish team deserved to get through”.

Group “D”
Wales Supporters v Heerenveen 1-1
HSV v Heerenveen 2-1
Wales Supporters v HSV 2-1
Heerenveen v Zenit 0-4

1st place - Zenit, 2nd place - Wales Supporters

In the evening, our guides took us to a restaurant which used to be a church or a monastery.
Whatever its previous incarnation, the pace of day-to-day life in the building I’m sure was slooow.
Little has changed in the few centuries that have passed.

Stu ordered fresh orange juice.
40 minutes later (perhaps it was longer), it arrived.
The problem was, that the staff had to hand pick the oranges, peel the oranges and squeeze them by hand.
Either way, Stu had some pop to slake his thirst, whilst the cow for his steak was being slaughtered.

I asked Olja to recommend a typical Ukrainian dish.
Borsch was the choice.
This is beetroot soup.

I had this last year, when the Maestro superstars bought me some.
Recipes vary – some are vegetarian (as was the soup I had last year).
The one from the Slowest Restaurant in the World, had meat in it – lamb I think.

It had coriander, beetroot and onion in it.
It’s comes in a light broth, and I usually served with sour cream.
I asked for some black bread to go with it, but again, they probably had to bake it first, or get someone to run out to the shop and get some. It eventually came, and it wasn’t black – it looked and tasted like wholemeal bread.

I’ve since looked for Ukrainian black bread recipes on the tinterweb, and the recipes mention molasses and coffee.
This bread didn’t taste as if it had either in it.
Perhaps the supermarket had run out, and only had brown bread.

Michael joined us as our guest.
But because the service was in slo-mo, he never got to eat anything, only managing to get a beer.

It seems that we acquire catch phrases almost every day.
As you may have noticed, one of our team – Declan Tanner – is the long-lost twin of comedian Alan Carr.

So, as Madonna would say, we would strike the pose – thumbs in the air, Declan’s glasses on, and say “good times”, with both thumbs pointing up.
If something was wrong, then we’d say “bad times”, with thumbs pointing down.
I’m not sure of what Justin Lee Collins would think of this, though.

Another is “pishov ty” – as it sounds.
But please do not say this to the border guards – they are not allowed to smile as part of their terms of contract, as it is.

One of the chants that we got going, was “Budmo! Reply – “Hey”. “Budmo! Reply – Hey!” “Budmo! “Hey!” “Budmo, budmo, budmo” – reply – “Hey, hey, hey”.
The “d” is soft, as in

Essentially it’s the Ukrainian version of Max Boyce’s “Oggy! “Oi!” “Oggy!” “Oi!” “Oggy!” “Oi!” “Oggy, oggy, oggy”, “Oi, oi, oi”.

Another phrase that will come in handy, is “Dyakuyu”, which means ‘thank you’ (pronounced Da-koo-yoo).

If you ever decide to visit Lviv, then try not to gawp too much at the women.
In fact, Adam did this too much, and is in love – aahhhhh…
With all the women that is – not one in particular.

He wants to emigrate to Lviv, partly because it’s so cheap (a litre if beer is about 15 UAH - about £1.50), partly for the ‘sightseeing’.
The other option, is for Adam to get an Ukrainian internet bride.
The problem with this, is that he’ll really need to learn to speak English properly first, then try to expand on “pishov ty” and “Budmo”.
Also, the wi-fi connection at our hotel is a bit temperamental, so he’d be there forever and a day at the computer.


Saturday 10th July

If any of you reading this, decide to join us for next year’s cultural tour, then please be aware that you’ll rarely get to bed before 3am, and you’ll rarely get up before 9.30 am.
This is not god if you have a match to play in an hour’s time or so.

Quarter Final - Karpaty v Bohemians

We were out of the competition, but some of the Czech team were injured / suspended / hungover, and needed to 2 players to join their side, so a quarter final versus Karpaty at 11 am.

I made the enquiries.
“Do you want to play for the Bohemians in about 1 hour’s time v Karpaty?”, was met with responses of blank stares, ‘what time is it?’, or the sound of blissful snoring.

Eventually, Ian, Jamie, Neil, and star player Calen, answered the call.
Kits were found and we were off to another venue.
This is the beauty of Eurofans, as I said earlier on.
The organisers will allow one team to borrow players from another.
The philosophy is ‘we all get drunk together, so why not play together?’

Here’s a Facebook link to the ‘photos of the match : http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/…8&id=625300310

Karpaty got to the final last year, where they lost to Rangers.
Rangers did not take part this year, but this was a strong side.
And the reason why, was because one of our guides – Andy – was part of the squad.

Ok – it might have a lot to do with the fact that Karpaty’s right winger could run like a greyhound, and eventually set of a grand total of 13 goals during the course of the tournament.

Most of Karparty’s team had played together, as I’m sure had the Czech team.
The difference is that the Karpaty team’s main diet did not consist mainly of beer and vodka throughout the tournament.

The score was 6-0 to Karpaty, before Bohemians scored.
Our very own Calen ended up being our top scorer with two goals in this match.
The first was as the result of a quick free kick by Neil - a player who models himself on Jan Molby.

The 1 on 1 was coolly slotted home by Calen.
He got the second when to make the score 7-2.
The eventual score was Karpaty 13 – Bohemians 3.

The other Quarter Final results were :

Czech Republic supporters v Karpaty 3-12
Wales supporters v Ukraine supporters 1-9
PSG v Zenit 1-5

Afterwards, we went to the FanZone in Lviv city centre.
The organisers had a big screen to show the 3rd / 4th Place Play Off between Germany and Uruguay.
Before the match kicked off, there was a mini 5-a-side tournament.
This was not for any trophies – purely for fun.
The format was 2 x 15 minute halves.

We played two games, but were allowed to field 2 completely separate teams for each half – a bit like an England friendly, but without the overpaid manager.

You’ll be pleased to know, that we won BOTH games – the first 5-3, and the second 5-0.
All those who played in this mini tournament, got a small momento – a rucksack containing a t-shirt, with the World Cup and sponsor’s logo, a beer glass and one or two other small items.

The Play Off match turned out to be better than the Final itself.

We went to a club to get away from the mosquitoes, and we then had a few drinks, before getting to bed early.


Sunday 11th July

Our last day in Lviv.
Bad times.

Tomorrow, we will be in Krakow for 2 days.
Good times.

The plan as to check out of the Ozerny Kray, and head off straight to the stadium where we played all our matches last year – the SKA Stadium - to watch the final, between Karpaty, and the Ukrainian Supporters Team.

Eventually, we managed to pay our bill, and check out.
Kova and Co were straight on the pop (brunch).

We got to the ground at around 13.00 or so.
Both the semis had already been played :
10:30 Wisla v Ukraine Supporters – 0-3
12:00 Zenit v Karpaty - 0-1

So the Final was played between the Ukraine Supporters Team and Karpaty.
The Ukraine National Manager, Olexij Mychajlytschenko, was in the ground as well.

This is a Facebook link to see ‘photos of the final, courtesy of Ian Pankhurst : http://www.facebook.com/ipankhurst#!…5300310&ref=mf

Karpaty won 2-0.

Our very own guide, Andy played in the final.
He didn’t score, but his winner’s medal now has pride of place in his luxury apartment.

After the final, we had ‘photos taken with all the other teams.
Here’s one with the Bohemians and the HJC banner :

Later on, we went back to the FanZone in the centre, for an awards ceremony.
All the players were again given a goodies bag.
This was the same as the previous one, but this one had a vuvuzela in it.
We would later re-invent this as a “vodkazela”.

Each team came up, and said a few words.
We were allowed to give an acapella rendition of YNWA.

The Welsh team came up.
At the end of the speech, the Welsh lad said “we hope that the Liverpool fans get the Justice that they have been waiting for.
Justice to the 96”.

The Player of the Tournament, went to Karpaty’s right winger (he set up about 13 goals and scored a few).

The Team “People’s Choice” Award, went to the Belgian team.
They came to the tournament with 4 players, so had to borrow players from other teams, to fulfil their fixtures.

They came 2nd, after Karpaty in Group C.
But they felt that because they had borrowed virtually a whole squad, they gave up their place to the Poland Supporters Team.

We then went to a club to watch the World Cup Final.
It was a dull affair, with the Dutch determined to maim the Spanish (De Jong), or cheat (Robben).
Football won in the end.

The club was where the after-tournament party would be held – rave music, or whatever it’s called.
Not my sort of thing, but the company was so good, I couldn’t help but join in the fun.

Here are some Facebook links, to some of the ‘photos from the after-Tournament party (again, if the y don’t work when you click on them, then copy and paste into your browser).

(‘Photos by Oksana Kit – some are from our matches)
http://www.facebook.com/ipankhurst#!…150a0803f0188b

There are loads of others which will be added in a few days time.

At 3am, we had to leave with the Czech team, for Krakow.
Bad times.

This was a pre-arrangement with the Bohemians.

This year’s visit to Lviv, was even better than last year’s.
We could not have enjoyed it, without our guides – Nazar Banakh, Oksana Kit, Olja Kik and Andy Markovets (Campione! Campione! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!)

We never did see Eugene. Oh well – he lost out on a free pish up on us.
Maybe next year.

Thank you again to all the organisers.
Apologies to one of the organisers, Slavik, for annoying him with our late requests.

And thank you for the people of Lviv, for making our stay so memorable.
We will definitely see you all next year (with the possible exception of Eugene).

WEDNESDAY 6^th JULY

Everyone finally sorted out their currency, online check ins, and packed as much as is physically possible into a space barely big enough to hold a small cat, if you so wished to do such a thing.

Up to this point, the trip had not taken on any surreal or otherwise strange turns.

The weirdness that did ensue, involved Apiz.

As a Malaysian national, the customs and passport control officials deemed it necessary to look into the reasons for Apiz travelling, in more detail.

Our joke was that it was taking so long, because he was having a full body search.

In fact, he liked the experience so much, he has decided to come make the effort to come to next year’s tournament.

THURSDAY 8^th JULY

We had eventually determined to travel with the Bohemians on their coach.

They started off in Prague at around 6pm, and met us at our pick up point to the south east of Krakow, at around just after 1am local time.

Our meeting point was a McDonald’s, as it was the only landmark on Google Maps that we both recognised.

We had some music playing, and David greeted us, by wearing an Everton shirt.

Well – someone’s got to wear them, haven’t they?

After an age, waiting for something for other (I don’t know what, which is why I’m being vague about this), we were off to conquer Lviv.

I thought that the bunch that I had come over with could drink.

The Czech team had been on the pop since leaving Prague, and they were all now sober as judges.

If we could have, both teams would have sung songs together for the whole 5-6 hour journey.

I say could, because they seemed to the 2 most miserable drivers on the books of the coach hire company.

Because of the length of the journey, two drivers had been assigned to the job.

But every time that we tried to start a round of songs, the second driver gave us a disapproving stare, followed by a rebuke.

We did manage to sing some songs, though (albeit badly out-of-tune; however, we’d do better than most of the contestants on “Britain’s Got no Talent”):

This did work to our advantage, as we were all then able to use the imposed silence, as an opportunity to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

We now just have to negotiate the happy-clappy border guards (for Poland, then Ukraine), and we can start to think about the tournament.

After some more sleep though.

Border controls at the Poland – Ukraine border, promises to always be an unforgettable experience.

Partly because it takes so long, the memory will be etched and will refuse to go away.

Having negotiated the Poland border, we then moved onto the Ukrainian border guards.

This lot make listening to a Leonard Cohen record a joyous thing.

They checked our passports.

This is where the invites we had printed out in Ukrainian came into their own – they saved a lot of explanation.

The guards’ English was non-existent, as was that of our drivers.

Then we moved onto a second checkpoint.

Once we get to Lviv, we will share the same hotel as the Bohemians team.

In fact, teams in a particular group will stay in the same hotel.

We will stay in the Ozerny Kray Hotel : http://o-k.in.ua/?page=sport&deep=beach&lang=eng

As they did last year, the organisers are going to pay for the first two nights.

The hotel itself is about 10km away from Lviv, on the outskirts.

It’s clean and the members of staff are friendly.

We will only pay for the last night, as I’ve mentioned, which is a bargain price of about £9 each (plus breakfast).

A few of the lads took on a team of local lads today, and drew 3-3.

We won on penalties by 3-2.

Ok, it’s not Istanbul, but we are in a far foreign land….

Tonight, we met most of our guides again, apart from Eugene.

And during our evening meal, Apiz acquired a nickname – Momo.

When they played footie earlier, Stu asked Apiz whether he preferred to be called Mohamed or Apiz.

Apiz replied that “Mo” would be fine.

As luck would have it, we once had a defensive midfielder called Mohammed Sissoko – aka Momo.

Tomorrow, we play our first two matches, and we hope to post full videos of our efforts, for your enjoyment (or amusement).

But tonight, we are on the town……

This is the South West Trains service to London Waterloo…and I (Ian) am off to Gatwick. The joys of commuter rail travel will prepare me nicely for the long day of travelling. By this time, the voyage of the rest of the squad should also be coming to an end.

I don’t know whether there has been any shenanigans at the mediyka border this time - last year, our hire cars weren’t allows to leave Poland.

If all goes well, they’ll have a day of acclimatisation and a chance to bond as a team, hopefully also to pass the ball out a bit too! I’m hoping that I get a chance to see Kiev this afternoon and that my travel goes smoothly! See you in Lviv!